Log in

Previous Entry | Next Entry


So this is going to be a painfully honest post. Another part of my "therapy," if you will.

It's Christmas, the first Christmas that I've spent without a boyfriend since 2006. This would have been our 3rd Christmas together. Surprisingly, that doesn't hurt. There's a little sting, but not pain. It's more of a loss of a habit than anything else. There's still the random "0h, I've got to share this with Darin" thoughts but even those are fading... quite quickly actually. I had a wonderful Christmas thanks to my family and friends. I've spent a tremendous amount of time with Stephen and Lindsay and today I spent time with my family. It's quite honestly the best holiday I've had in a long long time. Every time there was a family function with Darin... well, we'd always be fighting. And he'd usually drink over there which was almost always a sore spot. This time I didn't have to worry about it. It was nice and relaxed. There wasn't any sniping, no digs, no disappointments. It was actually really nice. Just family.

And surprisingly I didn't have to field any questions about the break up. I've told my aunt what happened and my grandparents know some... I guess that was enough. No questions. I was expecting them but I was relieved not to have to go through it all yet again.

With everything that's happened this past year and my Poppy finding out that he has cancer... well, it puts it all into perspective. Life is way too short to stay somewhere where you're unhappy. So I'm happy with the way things have worked out. Poppy's surgery went well and he's recovering. His first post op appointment is tomorrow. But from what I can tell he's doing really well. I'm just afraid to find out if this has worked or not. I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for the next 6 months until we find out.

Now for the painfully honest part... New Year's. I really don't care too much about the holiday but I put a lot of (retarded) significance on not being alone. I HATE being alone that night. I don't know why. But this year is going to be tremendously hard for me... especially if I'm sitting at home watching the ball drop all by my lonesome. That would seriously suck. *sigh* But I'll get through it like I get through everything else. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right? A positive attitude is what I need right now... which is ironic because I'm such a cynical person.

Latest Month

October 2010
Powered by LiveJournal.com